Closing out night 3, I don’t have anything lucrative to report.
I’d be lying if I said I really tried to be productive today. I had fries for dinner. I didn’t get any cleaning done. Honestly, I didn’t even feel like writing this blog tonight.
But here I am! Because it is all about the effort, right? I had a good day, so I’m not sure why I am so uninspired. Maybe, I subconsciously took advantage of the fact that I felt balanced today. Every once in awhile, you have to take it easy and give yourself a well deserved break when the opportunity arises.
Something did happen that made me giggle. I can’t wait to show my husband.
Tailored ads are a thing now. They are heavily influenced by basically every interaction you make on the web. Perusing through FB, it is natural to come across these. So, I don’t know why it threw me off so much. An advertisement regarding a depression research study came across the screen.
I couldn’t help but laugh. I could understand a clothing company or even some kind of pay-to-publish ad, but a mental health advertisement, really?
On a more serious note, I do hope those ads reach the people who really need it. I have a wonderful support system so a research clinic would probably be the very last thing I look into. But there are people out there who battle their illness alone.
There are so many resources available to you. Therapy, medication, self help methods, medical marijuana. Seriously, I am not even trying to joke about it. I am a hardcore medical marijuana advocate. Bipolar, schizophrenia, cancer, Parkinson’s. Don’t be a sheep.
I have seen therapists. There are dozens of professionals that have heard my story. Talking about it did indeed educate me regarding my bipolar, but reliving it only helps so much when you still actually live it.
I’ve tried dozens of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. Lithium, Xanax, wellbutrin, Zoloft, Lexapro, trazodone, lorazepam, just to name a few. If you want to feel like a numb, lifeless zombie, this is your best bet (note: everyone is different). It takes some time to regulate in your body, but if you are lucky, you might only need one pill a day. Sometimes, it is even more. My experience on medication was draining. My suicidal thoughts got worse. I felt like an over glorified potato. I didn’t even want to get out of bed to eat or shower. I didn’t want to socialize or work. I didn’t have any manic episodes, so that was a plus.
I have done a ton of research regarding manic depression. I have read books and articles and journals. I tried the self discovery thing (for me, this was the key turning point in gaining some sort of control over myself.)
But most importantly, I gave medical marijuana a try. My mom would argue that it is a coping mechanism, an excuse, a drug addiction. She does not see any benefit to it whatsoever. On the other hand, what makes it so different than popping pills?
Remember, this is legal where I live. (Mom, I love you and I know how important your career is. I would never do anything to fuck that up.)
Everyone’s cycles are different. In most cases, victims suffer months of depression with a manic episode once or twice a year. (Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe rapid-cycling bipolar is defined as 4 or more manic episodes in a year.) It is both a blessing and a curse to have what I have experienced only in my most recent years. That rapid cycling. Depression and hypomania. It has been quite awhile since I have had a full blown manic episode, but I cycle through at least once every month.
And this is where medical marijuana comes into play. You don’t even have to smoke it. There are many alternative ways to introduce THC and CBD into your body. Now, I am not actually going to explain the science behind it, as it is still a big no in Big Pharma’s eyes so it is very controversial. But I do suggest that you look into it yourself. What I will do is tell you my personal experience.
Hybrid all the way. I can not put into words the way it calms me, not to mention the way it helps with a plethora of other problems. I’ll break my go-to strain down for you. I prefer a Sativa-Indica blend. Sativa strains typically help when I am low. It is stimulating and gives more of a cerebral high. I am able to focus better and I feel more energetic. As much as depression is an issue for me, Indica is the more important component. This is where you get your “stoner”stereotype. 100% accurate. And I reap the benefits of it. Typically, I have very little appetite. I am tense and stressed. I have problems sleeping. I am very anxious.
A couple tokes of the devil’s lettuce and magically, I am temporarily cured. I only have to use it on an as-need basis and I prefer it over popping a pill every day just to feel “normal.” Pills didn’t do anything for me appetite anyways.
This might upset some of my anti-drug family. I might lose some followers and readers over this. But I am not going to lie to you guys. This is who I am and I am not ashamed.
Who is ready for a night cap? 😉
Day 3. Fin.