Yes, I skipped yesterday’s blogs.
It wasn’t a terrible day by any means. I went to a local tattoo shop for my Friday the 13th tradition. My husband cooked dinner and let me have the night off. My feelings were balanced for the most part.
But the symptoms of my depression are unwavering.
The night prior was rough. I tossed and turned all night. I couldn’t seem to escape the bone chilling cold even as my husband radiated heat next to me. It was near impossible to get comfortable. My mind wouldn’t stop. 2 A.M. passed. Then 3, 4, 5. I remember the numbers on the clock reading 5:21 as I finally drifted off to sleep.
It was 6:30 in the morning when I woke up for the day. One entire hour of sleep. I was both angry and proud of myself. Proud of the fact that I didn’t over sleep, leaving myself plenty of time to get ready for my impending tattoo appointment. Angry for the lack of much needed slumber. While I didn’t necessarily have to get a tattoo yesterday, it is tradition. Not to mention, doing little things that you enjoy (marring my body for instance) can do wonders for your mental health. Especially when you don’t want to do them. I had mentioned to my husband that I didn’t even feel like going. I think it kind of alarmed both of us, being so out of character.
I felt the consequences of my sleepless night throughout the entire day. I was irritable and anxious. My head was pounding and my body temperature remained a degree or two higher than what I consider comfortable. I had very little energy to do most anything and what I did accomplish took a great deal of effort.
The was no change last night. After my appointment, I came home and took a nap. A couple hours worth of precious sleep, just to get me through the rest of the day. I try not to over nap and throw off the sleep schedule I have so desperately been attempting to sort out. I even tried to lay down in bed an hour earlier than I normally would.
And to no avail, another night in which I struggled to shut down. I will admit that I slept more than the night before, not that another hour or two really makes up for it. It got to the point where my husband had woke up from my restlessness around 5 in the morning. I remember telling him I was going to take a loritab, just to take the edge off. As you have learned, I dislike pills for the most part. Unless I am in physical pain, I try to avoid them.
Today is bad. I’m low. I don’t feel like doing much. (Wow, we have heard that before.) My body hurts. It feels like I am carrying twice my normal body weight. My shoulders are tense, my back is sore. It hurts to walk. I have a terrible headache and it feels like I had the shit beat out of me. I just want to go back to sleep. I even went to take that loritab and discovered that I tossed them in the trash on a more elated day. Le sigh.
Depression is debilitating. Not only emotionally, but physically.
Someone commented on a prior post expressing how important it is to put your physical needs first. Take a shower. Eat some food. Get good sleep.
While it is much easier said than done, I couldn’t agree more. Little things like the inability to sleep can damage your wellbeing. A continued pattern of sleeplessness takes a toll on your physical health. It becomes so very difficult to actually function.
So if you take anything from today’s blog, let it be the importance of taking care of 3 things.
Sleep. I don’t care if you sleep all freakin’ day. Sleeping too long is by far better than not getting enough.
Maintain a healthy diet. Or maintain some sort of diet. Snack on something small. Gorge yourself. Whatever. Just eat. Put something into your body.
And move. Even if you don’t want to. Get up. Take a shower. Move from your bed to the couch. Sit up. Go for a walk. It will be hard, but you have to get those endorphins going. I promise, you’ll feel a little bit better in the end.
So as for my day, I am just going to work on those 3 things. I need to make a trip to the grocery store for dinner stuff. Despite the overwhelming desire to be lazy, my husband and I are making dinner together tonight. We started cooking together the last time we decided to try to make things worth. I think we both agree that it has done wonders for our relationship. So that means I’ll most likely actually eat today. I’m sure I’ll throw a nap or two in before the day is over.
Next week, I am going to make an appointment to see someone about my sleeping issues. Maybe if I can fix that, everything else will fall in line.
Keep on pushing. If I can do it, you can do it.