I’m 3 days late, I know. But all with good reason!

Tuesday was shit and the remainder of the week was spent catching up.

It started with the crazy people doctor in the morning. Yes, I was finally seen! As expected, she was not pleased with my half-assed history regarding medications. Keep track of these, people. The name, the dosage, the effect it had on you, the dates. It is important that your psychiatrist knows these things. (Yes I am a hypocrite, but I am learning.)

After my appointment, I had another appointment scheduled to see my primary doctor. I had to go get a blood test anyways, so I thought it would be convenient. And it was, after I spent an hour trying to find it. I was supposed to fast for the first blood test, but my doctor told me that was unnecessary. So that saved me another trip. I told him the prescriptions she had put me on and we discussed my seizure issue and a possible thyroid problem. If you have either of those, you shouldn’t be on Lithium. The blood tests will monitor my thyroid levels. and after talking to my doctor, he said my blackout/convulsing episodes could be a result of a panic attack. I guess…

When I go to get my blood drawn, they couldn’t read everything that she needed, so they gave me a full panel. I go back Monday for the second round. I walked to the pharmacy on base to I get my script. The guy behind the counter looked at it and said I had to go to the “Exchange.” I know better than that. The Exchange doesn’t have a pharmacy. I am freaking out because I don’t know how to get my medication. I go into the store, just to verify, and behold! No pharmacy.

Oh, hello anxiety attack, my old friend. Always there when I don’t want you to be. I call my husband in a panic. He directs me to go home, make a cup of coffee, and wait for him to get off work.

There is no way in hell I should be classified as an “adult.” I was a blubbering mess. After he got home, he had to figure everything out on his own. He called insurance who gave him another number (sound familiar?). This is how we found out that dependant prescriptions are outsourced and the pharmacy on base just didn’t carry it. After calling the new number, he discovered it was as easy as taking the script to the grocery store.

And that was it. After a pointless anxiety attack, all I had to do was take the paper and get it filled.

I was not prescribed an antidepressant that would trigger my mania, but something even better. (Ugh, I sound like a pill head.) Lithium and seroquel. I’ll start with Seroquel mainly because the lithium hasn’t taken effect in my system.

Seroquel is an antipsychotic. You can imagine my reaction after I did more research. It makes sense. It just sounds unnecessarily negative. She prescribed me a very low dose to sleep. And have I been sleeping. I have easily slept 40 hours in the last 3 day. 12-14 hours at a time. Solid. I’m not worried about this. I really needed the rest and I can adjust my dosage to what I deem necessary. It takes a little while for me to actually wake up. I am extremely groggy that first hour. But this was all expected. To go from short periods of sleep to full periods of rest, I knew it would take some time for my body to adjust.

I only want to touch on the Lithium today because of how dangerous it can be. DRINK YOUR WATER. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SIDE EFFECTS AND SYMPTOMS. It has only been 3 days, but I can already feel the need for increased water intake. I am thirsty all the time. Not only that, but my doctor said it could go toxic without enough water.

The side effects though. Drowsiness, weight gain, fine tremors, dizziness. The are supposed to go away after my body adjusts, but it isn’t fun. I am not experiencing any of the severe symptoms that would urge me to see a doctor, but if I do, I will contact someone right away. My spaciness is still here. I am having a hard time with focus. (Not that the rambling makes this glaringly apparent.) I have sat at my computer at least a dozen times before today to write this out.

Today, I had to adjust my schedule. With the oversleeping, I have missed my morning lithium twice now. I can’t take it within 4 hours of one another, so I took it as soon as I woke up and planned the rest of the day accordingly.

I do have a couple of thoughts just regarding my medication in general. How do they expect someone like me to stick to a schedule like that? I mean, I am doing it, but it has been work. Secondly, why would they give someone with suicidal thoughts a means to end it? Like I was sitting on 27,000 mg of Lithium which I am sure would have some detrimental effects if taken all at once. Don’t do this. If you have that much in your bottle, you haven’t been on it long enough to feel the effects of the medication. And plus, the world would be a sad place without you here.

So Friday. Day 3. I have plenty of energy to get stuff done. I’m not as down as I was a week ago. I haven’t cried today. Life looks a little less bleak.

I’ll see you around.

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