Okay. I did a thing. So get ready to laugh your ass off.
As most of you know, I am new to SD. Well, newish. (I am trying to format this as we go so bear with me.)
Recently, I have been looking for new friends here in SoCal. I am not exactly sure why. Maybe I am just hoping a “friend” can pull me from my misery whilst dragging my butt out of the house.
When I am low like this, obviously I don’t do much of anything. I don’t like getting out of my element. These are the times that I need a friend here to just chill. Hang out, talk, do nothing, Netflix and food, smoke, the works. Someone I can lay up on the couch with and our presence is good enough for the other.
But I am thinking that maybe that isn’t going to work out for me.
Because, okay. So. I signed up for multiple friendship/dating sites and by multiple I mean two, by friendship/dating sites I mean just the friend option on said two sites.
It was a lonely Tuesday afternoon (yesterday) and I was awaiting the arrival of my husband. My friend Maleah had posted a meme that asked why there wasn’t a Tinder for girls. As in wine and shopping and shit talking boys type Tinder. A “Friendher” if you will. (lmfao I know I am so punny.)
Being the comment reader I am, I discovered that apparently there is. I had heard of one before, “BumbleBFF.” Strictly for friendships once you switch your profile. There was another one that was iPhone exclusive and a few various apps that just didn’t sound appealing.
The first one I signed up for was Skout. My first impression was that it was a total pay-for-popularity contest. So I made my profile and let it sit. Immediately, I went from low popularity to very high popularity. I received over 50 messages, 70 checkouts, and 40 people favorited me in the short time I was on it.
Most of the messages were innocent hellos. A few people asked about my writing. One gentleman asked if I would be down for a 4some. I did have one decent conversation with someone in which I allowed them to add me on FB.
Aside from that, Skout is annoying as hell. Being in Cali, over 50% of the profiles are in Spanish (not that I am racist, just how can we be friends if we can’t communicate?) Overall, there was just too much going on.
Next, I downloaded Bumble and switched my profile to the BFF option. My profile reads:
Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry
I am a lonely writer new to SD, looking for a new friend I can Netflix and pizza with or smoke the greens and drink the coffee with. Ya know, loyal and low maintenance. Oh and who won’t try to fuck my husband behind my back. :)”
My first impression was shut the fuck up. There is no way I can be friends with any of these girls. And I quote what I told FB. “These girls are flawless and I am all over here lookin’ like a fucking potato and shit.”
It took a minute to get past my own superficial tendencies before I went through the motions. Bumble is set up very much like Tinder with the whole swipe concept. So here I am swiping left on everyone, just like I did when I had Tinder.
I read these profiles and like literally every freaking woman in SoCal wants a friend they can drink wine with and go hiking and dine in super fancy restaurants and go to music festivals and hang out with their group of chick friends too.
Let me start from the top. I can’t drink on my medicine. Like I can, but I shouldn’t. When I do drink, I am with my husband and it is a special occasion. Don’t get me wrong, I love wine. I love alcohol. But I also know alcoholism runs in my family and I am on medication.
I am all about hiking when I am manic. But the most activity I’ll get when I am depressed is walking from my car to the beach and plopping my fat ass in that sand for an unknown amount of time. Of course, after I slather myself with sunscreen.
Cali is expensive as fuck. We got bills and shit. I travel a lot. I am not trying to go eat out 3, 4, 5, times a freakin’ week. PIZZA. Home. A husband that I have to feed too. And we like our plush little lifestyle without breaking the bank.
I enjoy music festivals, but I am not trying to die in the heat while listening to some shitty band. I have seizures. I am pale skinned. I am a red head. Sun and me, that is a lethal combination.
And really, I am not trying to hang out with a bunch of females. All of my good friends are back in Kansas. They aren’t ever going to come see me. All I want is one or two out here.
I’ve had a few matches on Bumble. We’ll see if those pan out.
But the whole point of this post is this:
I become a lot more social when the mania hits. So maybe this is a good thing, this thirst for human interaction. Could this be the downside of the big up?
Will mania grace me with her ever so auspicious presence?
See, there are upsides (watch, I’m speaking too soon.) Sometimes you have to wait a little bit longer than you feel you can handle. But when that day comes, you’ll roll your eyes about ever thinking you couldn’t.
I made it. You made it. We made it. Today is a good day.