I felt like I needed to write today.

There has been some stuff going on lately that you should probably be updated on given my last concerning blog post.

I stopped taking my medication again. It started with another night of drinking and I haven’t really picked the bottle(s) up since. But I have been diligently seeing my therapist. She is really friendly and easy to talk to.

My book is finished, cover and all. I mean as much as it is going to get. I am already pretty disappointed in it. I wanted it to be a compilation of some of my best work but I am only happy with about a quarter of it. I mean, that is just part of being a writer, right?

I keep telling myself it isn’t about the sales or the money, but how much can I really help others financially if I don’t profit a little bit from it? Some people would argue that it isn’t really my place to do that, and I know. I just really want to pay it forward.

Anyways, now I really don’t know what to do. I’m bored. I want to start working but there would be no sense in it right now. I don’t know if I should keep writing or take a break maybe.

I really need to focus on myself as a person. You know, shower every day, brush my teeth, eat better, exercise. I am slowly recovering from this last wretched bought of depression so it has been getting easier for me to function normally.

The only pills I am taking now is some OTC sleeping pills. I take more than the recommended amount but the good news is I am sleeping and waking fully rested.

As for the marital situation, I guess things are okay. I have it in my head the J doesn’t love me and he is going to leave me eventually, which has been making the relationship rocky. And I want to say it is my fault alone but he hasn’t been very reassuring lately. Hopefully, he realizes the love I have for him and thinks that all the bullshit he has to put up is worth it. Because I am, sometimes. (And if you stumble upon this, damnit, I love you so much and I am so sorry.)

I’ve sorta been homesick I guess. I miss my niece a lot. I get on Snapchat a lot to see if my ex-husband or sister has posted anything with her in it.

So yeah, that basically sums up life right about now. I would have to say I am doing monumentally better than I was in my last post.

What did I tell ya? Things tend to get better. Slowly, maybe. But they do.

Now that my book is ready for the publisher, I want to do more for my readers. So drop me a line. Let me know what you are interested in reading or talking about. I’m always up for a good conversation about mental health and what not. That is why I am here.

So stick around. You never know what it will be like next.

Advertisements